Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Bible Study

I had posted on facebook that I was excited about a new bible study we were starting at church the other day. Last night, after the bible study I posted that I was not excited about the bible study anymore. A friend of mine on facebook asked me what happened to change my excitement. This was my response...

I am still some what excited about it because I know God will do great things. It is going to be a very emotional study and I am not sure I am completely ready for that in a group of women I do not completely know! I am not much of a social person and God is really working on me about pride. The kind where I am to prideful to look stupid or emotional in front of someone. We are doing the bible study on the book "Captivating" by John & Stasi Eldredge. Just reading it I get emotional and I have a problem being that way in front of people. But I will continue to go to the class because God has made it completely clear that I am to be in this study! Whether I think I am ready for it or not.

My dear Sis in Christ, Jamie, led the first meeting and told us all about the study we would be doing. I have read through 3/4 of the book already so I was not caught off guard or anything. I knew about how emotional and in depth the study would be going into the class. We didn't even get started on the study itself and I had lovely tears rolling down my face during a few times in the talk. All I could think about is how embarrassing this is all going to be for me! (How prideful is that) I have already started this mess! I was not at all ok after walking out of that classroom last night. And the thing I don't get is WHY? I even had one of my dear and close friends tell me that I didn't have to go to the class. (This is how upset I was. It showed all over my face.) I told her that I did have to go back to the class! It was not an option for me! I have to do this! I don't want to and I have told God that several times, but I have to! God has great things for me to learn and experience through this class even if it hurts or is embarrassing. I may not understand what those things are now (except for drawing closer to Him), but I can guarantee it will be great and I don't want to get in the way of what ever it is!

1 comment:

Jamie said...

2 Timothy 1:7 - For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

Satan is simply picking away at you. I am so proud of you fighting the good fight!