Wednesday, September 10, 2008


Today I put on makeup (not normal for me) and went to get my drivers license renewed. Since it stays with you for four years I thought I should at least look my best! WHY BOTHER!!!??? It still looks bad! I wish I could use the picture that was taken for my church directory! Now that was the best picture I have ever taken. I have gotten a lot of compliments on it. I would like to just plaster it to my face and walk around like that!! :)

I went out to lunch with my sister-in-law Carlye at Jason's Delli. Carlye and I always have insightful conversations when we go out for lunch. I do my best thinking when I am around her. Probably because she sees right through all of my crap. We had a wonderful conversation about my issue I have with pride. You know the type when you are so consumed with how others and yourself perceive you that you are blocking your own view of what God wants! Not the I think I am better then you type!!! It is a constant problem. I do not go to Sunday School for exactly this reason. I do not like being in smaller groups unless I have a close relationship with those individuals. In other words, if I am comfortable just being me with them. This does not come easily or happen fast. It takes time for me to get to know someone so I am able to let my guard down and just be me. I would rather sit in the back of the room and no one know I am there! That does not happen in a Sunday School Classroom. I keep changing classes or not going. Making excuses not to go. Big Church - Love to go - No chance of anyone asking me to talk about anything, express an opinion or read from the Bible out loud or pray out loud. I am totally consumed with ME!! WOW, who would think that someone who so doesn't like much about herself could be so consumed with herself! Strange but true! Now to work on this! I have attended the first class of a Bible study only to not come back because someone asked me to say something about myself and I cried because I couldn't! You know who you are!! :) Well, now that that is out (embarrassing!!) I have a Bible Study I would like to attend that starts next Wednesday night. "Captivating" - This one will be a hard one for me. The description of this book says... that it describes how the feminine heart can be restored, and casts a vision for the power, freedom, and beauty of a woman released to be all she was meant to be. I have read this book and have cried through most of it. Just wait! Here we go again! One class - not coming back! See how I block my own view of God? I am so consumed with the way I react about situations that I am missing the most important lessons that God wants for me to learn!

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

Picture of the day... "Painting a Scary Dragon!"


Jamie said...

Go to Captivating. Embrace the courage God promised in Joshua 1. You can do it!

christy said...

I so understand how you feel about the part of not wanting to speak in front of groups, big or small. I love my ladies BIBLE class and I go to every service, but I will read out loud in class, but I am still uncomfortable with the saying the prayer, but that is from what if I mess it up or what will the rest of these women think about me. I believe you should continue going and maybe you will get more comfortable.